burn cells brained out

2007-02-03T10:09:00.000-08:00

so ends the era of snarky single blogging.

so begins the era of snarky co-blogging! head over to http://www.chastitymonkey.com

2006-12-05T20:36:00.000-08:00

One hundred and fifty custom made Mexican wrestling masks showed up today. Really, this is the wedding planning detail we are most excited about. Actually, it is the ONLY wedding planning detail we are excited about. Do we have tablecloths? No. Silverware? No. Centerpieces? No. Flowers? No. A wedding cake? No. A tux picked out? No.

But wrestling masks? Hell yes.

2006-12-03T22:00:00.000-08:00

The priest who is marrying us, Father Z, is very very awesome, and very very Polish. We dropped by the rectory for what we thought would be a twenty minute conversation about the rehearsal - he ended up inviting us to dinner, which consisted of about five different incredibly filling dishes, which he just kept feeding us, and refused to stop. Seriously. At one point, I tried to ward off another helping of hunter's stew, and Fr. Z turned to John Baby and said "John!" "Yes?" "Feel her belly! Is it tight like drum?"

As it turns out, yes, my belly was tight like drum, so I was granted a reprieve. John Baby, on the other hand, just had to keep eating.

2006-11-17T17:54:00.000-08:00

My sister told me recently that I would "nurse my children like I nursed my beer."

I'm not sure what that means, really, but I bet it's insulting.

2006-11-12T22:08:00.000-08:00

We were watching VH1's best 100 80's hits music videos thingie, and the video for Whitesnake's "Here I Go Again" came on. The video mostly involves a hot woman in a skimpy dress draping herself (and then doing splits and leg lifts, because, just because!) on the hood of David Coverdale's Jaguar. In a later interview, Coverdale said that she "turned his blood to wine." Which is, I suppose, why he married her. Awwwwwww.

Seriously, if 80's music videos can be trusted, rock stars used to have a lot more fun before they started getting socially conscious. I think that it's worth a few more holes in the ozone layer to have such loving and luscious applications of hair spray to permed mullets. While we're at it, I would also support the judicious re-introduction of the jumping jack as an acceptable on-stage dance maneuver.

Was the Whitesnake too salacious? How about some gravity defying Christian hair metal???

2006-10-19T18:13:00.000-07:00

You know, as long as we are resurrecting secular practices which were specific to a place, time, and social class and declaring that they are the Catholic Way Forever...

Yes. Well, as long as we are doing THAT, I want to submit a few of my own Medieval Catholic traditions. These were long-standing facets of eminently Catholic societies for many centuries! To do otherwise now is unthinkable. Let's start with:

The Stew:

Yes, I believe everyone would be happier and better off if we took more communal baths with servants bringing us food! Fun for the whole family. This woodcut via A Feast For the Eyes.

The Alewife:

The art of brewing was passed on from mother to daughter, and women brewed most of the ale consumed in the 14th and 15th centuries. Sometimes this was just a cottage industry; sometimes women went on to become large-scale commercial brewers. Anyway, I think that it's time we take down the male-dominated microbreweries. Alewyfes, away!

Castrati:

Beginning at around the 16th century, boys of exceptional singing talent were, um, curtailed at a young age, often for Church choir purposes. A Papal Bull by Pope Sixtus V even authorized the recruitment of castrati for the choir of St. Peter. Let's bring them back for the greater glory of traditional Church music!

And so on, and so forth. What traditions do you want to resurrect? My dad, having seven daughters (and three sons), believes that the practice of the bride price should be reinstituted.

2006-10-17T22:09:00.000-07:00

This asshat has an online personal!

What a way with the ladies! When some gal on the online singles site shuts him down, he writes a blog post on the "close minded fury of a modern woman." He also wants a dowry. And why not? Such a catch he is. As self centered as Caligula, and probably much less fun at parties.

The only comforting thing is that the traditionalcatholicsingles.com site has about twice as many men as women listed thereon. Phew. At least they aren't going to out-breed us any time soon, as many modern women of fury prefer the men who aren't asshats.

Props to John Baby for pointing out the above linkies.

2006-10-16T20:34:00.000-07:00

I think it looks more like a fertility Tamagotchi

2006-10-09T23:05:00.000-07:00

I read my youngest brother "The Charge of the Light Brigade," and we discussed it afterwards, especially the bit about cannons to the right of them and cannons to the left of them. He thinks that the Light Brigade should have gone around the cannons instead.

Also, "Kubla Kahn" is about a bear. My youngest brother was tipped off to this by the mention of feeding on honeydew. There is no fooling him.

2006-10-08T20:59:00.000-07:00

Hello the internets!

I have been up to all kinds of boring things recently. Boring boring boring. John Baby's apartment is nearing completion. All the standard furniture things are in it now. Getting it to this stage involved a truly traumatic encounter with a creepy mattress salesman, though. Salesmen in general skeeve us out. It's much more fun buying stuff on Clement Street. Clement Street is a primarily Asian neighboorhood in San Francisco, the awesomeness of which is as 1/x where x approaches 0 (that is to say, very awesome). Certainly, the shopkeeps make the attempt to sell you things. But there is a certain charm in statements like "No full extra long! You buy queen! I tell many people you buy queen! Works great!" (this was in reference to John Baby's attempt at purchasing some sheets)

Great things about Clement Street:

The super cheap, super tasty Vietnamese restaurant, Minh's Garden. Sure, they have a large sign up to the effect that the health department found numerous code violations there on their last inspection, which have since been rectified. But the food is superb! And full of crunchy vegetables! And cheap! Further, the interior decoration consists of several Vietnamese beer ads, and several more pictures of women breastfeeding babies. We took my mom to eat there, and she thought that aspect of it was just fantastic.

The giant Asian supermarkets full of fascinating variants of dried mushrooms and bins of fresh produce, and wizened old people who will mow you down in their attempts to get to the fresh produce.

Super Tokyo, which will sell you twelve packs of Sapporo or Tsing Tao for 8.99. In addition, they will sell you tasty candy with amusing Engrish monikers.

And, of course, there are the small bargain shops which line the street and are filled with articles too strange to imagine anyone having authorized their mass production. See this flickr set for examples.

2006-09-29T17:54:00.000-07:00

Life is fairly busy around here. Last weekend John Baby and I went to the (Catholic Church mandated) marriage preparation course thing. There were many interludes where we were supposed to discuss things like "how do you feel about children?" or "on a scale of 1 to 10, how important is religion to you?"

John Baby and I have already discussed these things, albeit without bringing in scales of 1 to 10. In fact, we talked over all the standard issues within the first three months of dating, because we are crrrrrazy like that. This leaves us with the following topics to discuss:

- Is it really funny to dress babies in wigs?

- So, like, if we had met while I was thirteen, and he was seventeen, how weird would that be?

- After we get married, should we continue to file our blogs separately, or together? If together, will it be as punkrockphilosopher or as herreid? Or should we merge the names? If we merge them, would it be punkrockherreidphilosopher, or herreidpunkrockphilosopher, or punkrockphilosopherherreid? Or should we make up some completely new name?

2006-09-14T17:52:00.000-07:00

What kind of radtrad are you?

John Baby sent me this. I laughed until I peed. Now you can, too!*

*production of actual urine not guaranteed.

2006-09-06T20:32:00.000-07:00

I love love love my new job. In addition to being intellectually stimulating and involving playing with shiny new computers, there is also free food and/or beer on a daily basis. There is no better way to secure loyal employees than to provide them with free alcohol. The warlords who fed their warriors mead before battle knew as much.

My coworkers recently discovered that I was a Catholic when I gave some of them a lift to lunch, and they discovered two rosaries, several church bulletins, and a rolled up poster of the Pope in the back seat of my car. "It's all right," I explained to them, "Catholics are, like, the party Christians."

2006-08-28T19:23:00.000-07:00

The other day, I was helping make dinner at John Baby's house. We were making some stuffed pasta shell thingies, so I had a mixing bowl full of chopped chicken, ricotta cheese, fresh basil, all that good stuff. I noticed that the recipe also called for an egg. Reached in fridge, grabbed egg carton, cracked egg in, and then read the side of the egg carton. Apparently, these eggs had expired sometime in May (ha! it's almost September!). Of course, wasting all that ricotta cheese was totally out of the question, so we just cooked the pasta shells, bad egg be damned.

We are still alive, and didn't even get the runs. Although I did have a fairly weird dream that night that John Baby was already married...but, as it turns out, it was all right, because he wasn't married to a person. In my dream, I was very relieved.

2006-08-16T21:27:00.000-07:00

Went to the park with some of my younger siblings. My youngest brother decided to strike up a conversation about linguistics with a mother and her toddler playing there.

Youngest brother: "Hey, I NEVER say bad words!"

Random mother: "That's good, you shouldn't say bad words."

Youngest brother: "See! Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiii...! See! I didn't finish it! It isn't a bad word!"

Random mother: "..."

2006-08-12T12:20:00.000-07:00

A very interesting and well thought out answer to an AskMefi question about the paucity of female philosophers.

2006-08-12T11:35:00.000-07:00

I have a job! It mainly involves being paid in yachts. Oh, also some tech stuff, I suppose. I am now an official computer geek, and I can wear a t-shirt reading "WYSIWYG" to work and have coworkers chortle. Could life be any more sweet? I think not.

2006-08-08T22:38:00.000-07:00

Dead silence on the part of employers for weeks...then, two job offers in one day! Isn't it always the way. I need to talk to both of them tomorrow. Perhaps the decision will be settled by each company sending out representative gladiators, who will then fight with pitchforks and nets while I watch from the stands above, drinking from an amphora of wine. Straight from the amphora.

It is a thought.

2006-08-07T20:45:00.000-07:00

I want to take a vacation from being unemployed.

For one thing, my writing (both will to and quality of) is suffering. I am much more funny when I have a job to snark about.

JOBS...they are SNARKTASTIC!

For another, I find meeting new people an awkward experience, at best. Now, thanks to interviews, my week is filled with meeting new people! Who I need to make a good impression on! By being myself! But not too much myself, because this is not professional! I had an "informal" second interview today, and it was by far the most unnerving thing ever, because I was sitting around and chatting with people who have the power of hiring, so we aren't actually new friends, or anything, but we will still talk about each other's families and lives and hobbies, because this is an INFORMAL interview. Although we may never see each other again. It is like Internet dating. Except, if they decide not to hire you, they don't even send a "let's just be friends" email.

Unless they are KAPLAN, in which case they sent me TWO rejection letters. Through snail mail, even!

Finally, not having a job makes me feel very aimless and ill at ease. What good are weekends? Why am I having a beer at the end of the day? What excuse do I have for being surly? All the cycles of life are disrupted.

2006-08-03T13:44:00.000-07:00

Recently, at John Baby's suggestion, we watched a movie called "M." This movie was black and white(!), in German(!!), and starred Peter Lorre as a super creepy pervert who compulsively murders young girls(!!!).

So, in short: the ideal date movie.

2006-07-27T12:34:00.000-07:00

Motherhood sounds awesome.

2006-07-27T11:14:00.000-07:00

I interviewed at the maternity and nursing apparel company yesterday. EVERY WOMAN in the office that I talked to or saw was either definitely pregnant, or looked pregnant. Opportunities were opening up due to people taking maternity leave. The woman who interviewed me was about six months along, and she was smiling dreamily and rubbing her belly as we talked (it was her first, natch). They must have some small statue of a gravid goddess in the back room...every woman who walks past it becomes fecund...

In other news, the tech support people got back to me and want to take me out on a second informal interview / lunch. Hurrah!

2006-07-24T23:04:00.000-07:00

In my copious free time, in addition to reading about the Reformation, I have taken up lifting weights.

I am going for the "Xena, Warrior Princess" look.

2006-07-24T20:56:00.000-07:00

This job search thingummie is more fun than fun! Here are the interviews I have been on, thus far:

- Berkeley based alternative health mind body integration type place. They wanted an ombudsman of the customer service, marketing, and bookkeeping bent. One of my interviewers told me that I had the right "emotional skills" for the job. Nevertheless, they did not hire me.

- Emeryville based architecture firm. Wanted someone to do clerical and bookkeeping. Interview was with a very entertaining, somewhat crazy older guy who asked interview questions along the lines of "Finish the following sentence...'I Am'." Received a very nice letter telling me that they did not end up hiring me for that position.

- Berkeley based software company. Wanted someone to do high level tech support. Had fun group interview ever with the entire tech support staff. Geekiest people ever. I want to work there, having a natural fondness for geeks, and the ability to discuss anime shows with the best of them. However, inasmuch as my experience with tech support is non-existent, I doubt they will end up hiring me.

Interviews I have coming up this week:

- Berkeley based urban agriculture advocacy group. They need someone to help out with office work, scheduling, and so forth. Woo yay composting!

- San Francisco based nursing and maternity apparel company. They need someone to do online and customer service type stuff. Translation: all day phone work with pregnant ladies.

- San Francisco based non profit educational outfit. They need someone to help low-income students through the process of applying to colleges and getting financial aid. I didn't manage to get myself financial aid for the first two years of college...nevertheless, those who cannot do, teach. So they say.

Basically, job hunting is an opportunity to meet all kinds of interesting people who you wouldn't otherwise...and then, never talk to those interesting people again. Everybody wins!

2006-07-18T15:43:00.000-07:00

Wavelet and John Baby Manage Money:

JB: Tsing Tao or Sapporo?

W: Sapporo. Hmm, wait. That's $8.99 for a six pack. We could just get MGD.

JB: No, let's get the Sapporo. If you think about it, that's six beers for the price of two pints at a bar.

W: True, but...

JB: That's how I do economics!