Monday, March 14, 2005

I'm reading some Juvenal. Not in Latin, though, because I am one of those wimpy classicists with a short attention span (I've also been known to read a transliteration of Chaucer, nyah). Anyway, apparently, teachers have been getting the shaft since time immemorial:

Juvenal, Satire VII, 215-243:

What schoolmaster, even the most successful, commands
A proper return for his labours? Yet even this little,
However trifling - and any professor makes more -
Is further whittled away when the pupil's unfeeling
Attendant, and the cashier, have each taken their cut.
Better give in, then: bargain, be beaten down
For a lower fee, like a hawker peddling blankets
And winter rugs - so long as you get some recompense
For presiding, before it's light, in a hell-hole any blacksmith
Or wool-carder would refuse to train apprentices in;
So long as you get some return for enduring the stink
Of all those guttering lanterns - one to each pupil,
So that every Virgil and Horace is grimed with lampblack
From cover to cover. Yet, nine times out of ten,
You need a court order to get even this small pittance.
In return, what's more, such parents demand quite impossible
Standards from any master: his grammar must be above cavil
History, literature, he must have all the authorities
Pat at his fingertips. They'll waylay him en route
For the public baths, and expect him to answer their questions
Straight off the cuff - who was Anchises' nurse, what
Was the name of Anchemolus' stepmother, and where
Did she come from? How old was Acestes when he died?
How many jars of Sicilian wine did the Trojans
Get from him as a present? They demand that the teacher
Shall mould these tender minds, like an artist who shapes
A face out of wax, with his thumb. He must, they insist,
Be a father to all his pupils, must stop them getting up to
Indecent tricks with each other (though it's no sinecure
To keep check over all those darting eyes - and fingers).
"See to it," you're told, "and when the school year's ended,
You'll get as much as a jockey makes from a single race."

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