My sixth graders are very competitive. Unfortunately, so caught up are they in succeeding in the game of Getting Good Grades and Being Popular and BEING NUMBER ONE DAMMIT!!! that they occasionally trash talk each other. They'll say things along the lines of "I don't want him/her on our team!" or "How come you finished that test so slowly?" or "HA!!! You're wrong! Miss P says so!"

So, I gave them a Father Michael style talk on charity. Father Michael, a chaplain at my college, and a very sweet and earnest sort of a priest, tended to give short sermons on either:

• the life of a saint


• one of the pettier vices

Sometimes the latter sermons bordered on the amusing or absurd, as in his condemnation of dancing alone (by which I think he meant the bump and grind), and his treatment of the importance of throwing out blouses and skirts which one has outgrown (an oblique reference to immodestly tight clothing). On the whole, though, most of us are quite petty sinners, and so petty sermons are appropriate and useful.

I imparted to the sixth graders a piece of advice which Father Michael gave me (doubtless after I had confessed, for the sixth time in a row, the desire to strike certain of my section mates over the head with a truncheon). Whenever you see someone who really annoys you, or about whom you are tempted to think or speak something uncharitable (e.g. "Shut up and DIE!!"), say a quick, silent Hail Mary for them. This really works wonders on one's overall charity level...well, eventually...

Anyhoo, the sixth graders seemed thoroughly chastened. No more smack talking for them. They're going to straighten up and fly right from here on out. Yup yup.