My new next door neighbors have a seriously dysfunctional relationship with their dog.

For instance, they have long, pleading conversations with it in the backyard along the lines of: "Come here boy! Come here! Come! I said come! Come here! Come! Come here boy! Bad dog! Come!"

Also, a few nights ago, a commotion of sorts woke me up. This is what one of the neighbors was shouting: "HE PISSED THE BED! THE F*CKING DOG PISSED THE BED!!!" Afterwards, there was some thumping, door slamming, and the inevitable chorus of "BAD DOG! BAD DOG!"

These people would obviously be better off with an iguana.