I love love love my new job. In addition to being intellectually stimulating and involving playing with shiny new computers, there is also free food and/or beer on a daily basis. There is no better way to secure loyal employees than to provide them with free alcohol. The warlords who fed their warriors mead before battle knew as much.

My coworkers recently discovered that I was a Catholic when I gave some of them a lift to lunch, and they discovered two rosaries, several church bulletins, and a rolled up poster of the Pope in the back seat of my car. "It's all right," I explained to them, "Catholics are, like, the party Christians."