My sister told me recently that I would "nurse my children like I nursed my beer."

I'm not sure what that means, really, but I bet it's insulting.

We were watching VH1's best 100 80's hits music videos thingie, and the video for Whitesnake's "Here I Go Again" came on. The video mostly involves a hot woman in a skimpy dress draping herself (and then doing splits and leg lifts, because, just because!) on the hood of David Coverdale's Jaguar. In a later interview, Coverdale said that she "turned his blood to wine." Which is, I suppose, why he married her. Awwwwwww.

Seriously, if 80's music videos can be trusted, rock stars used to have a lot more fun before they started getting socially conscious. I think that it's worth a few more holes in the ozone layer to have such loving and luscious applications of hair spray to permed mullets. While we're at it, I would also support the judicious re-introduction of the jumping jack as an acceptable on-stage dance maneuver.

Was the Whitesnake too salacious? How about some gravity defying Christian hair metal???