so ends the era of snarky single blogging.

so begins the era of snarky co-blogging! head over to http://www.chastitymonkey.com

One hundred and fifty custom made Mexican wrestling masks showed up today. Really, this is the wedding planning detail we are most excited about. Actually, it is the ONLY wedding planning detail we are excited about. Do we have tablecloths? No. Silverware? No. Centerpieces? No. Flowers? No. A wedding cake? No. A tux picked out? No.

But wrestling masks? Hell yes.

The priest who is marrying us, Father Z, is very very awesome, and very very Polish. We dropped by the rectory for what we thought would be a twenty minute conversation about the rehearsal - he ended up inviting us to dinner, which consisted of about five different incredibly filling dishes, which he just kept feeding us, and refused to stop. Seriously. At one point, I tried to ward off another helping of hunter's stew, and Fr. Z turned to John Baby and said "John!" "Yes?" "Feel her belly! Is it tight like drum?"

As it turns out, yes, my belly was tight like drum, so I was granted a reprieve. John Baby, on the other hand, just had to keep eating.

My sister told me recently that I would "nurse my children like I nursed my beer."

I'm not sure what that means, really, but I bet it's insulting.

We were watching VH1's best 100 80's hits music videos thingie, and the video for Whitesnake's "Here I Go Again" came on. The video mostly involves a hot woman in a skimpy dress draping herself (and then doing splits and leg lifts, because, just because!) on the hood of David Coverdale's Jaguar. In a later interview, Coverdale said that she "turned his blood to wine." Which is, I suppose, why he married her. Awwwwwww.

Seriously, if 80's music videos can be trusted, rock stars used to have a lot more fun before they started getting socially conscious. I think that it's worth a few more holes in the ozone layer to have such loving and luscious applications of hair spray to permed mullets. While we're at it, I would also support the judicious re-introduction of the jumping jack as an acceptable on-stage dance maneuver.

Was the Whitesnake too salacious? How about some gravity defying Christian hair metal???

You know, as long as we are resurrecting secular practices which were specific to a place, time, and social class and declaring that they are the Catholic Way Forever...

Yes. Well, as long as we are doing THAT, I want to submit a few of my own Medieval Catholic traditions. These were long-standing facets of eminently Catholic societies for many centuries! To do otherwise now is unthinkable. Let's start with:

The Stew:

Yes, I believe everyone would be happier and better off if we took more communal baths with servants bringing us food! Fun for the whole family. This woodcut via A Feast For the Eyes.

The Alewife:

The art of brewing was passed on from mother to daughter, and women brewed most of the ale consumed in the 14th and 15th centuries. Sometimes this was just a cottage industry; sometimes women went on to become large-scale commercial brewers. Anyway, I think that it's time we take down the male-dominated microbreweries. Alewyfes, away!

Castrati:

Beginning at around the 16th century, boys of exceptional singing talent were, um, curtailed at a young age, often for Church choir purposes. A Papal Bull by Pope Sixtus V even authorized the recruitment of castrati for the choir of St. Peter. Let's bring them back for the greater glory of traditional Church music!

And so on, and so forth. What traditions do you want to resurrect? My dad, having seven daughters (and three sons), believes that the practice of the bride price should be reinstituted.

This asshat has an online personal!

What a way with the ladies! When some gal on the online singles site shuts him down, he writes a blog post on the "close minded fury of a modern woman." He also wants a dowry. And why not? Such a catch he is. As self centered as Caligula, and probably much less fun at parties.

The only comforting thing is that the traditionalcatholicsingles.com site has about twice as many men as women listed thereon. Phew. At least they aren't going to out-breed us any time soon, as many modern women of fury prefer the men who aren't asshats.

Props to John Baby for pointing out the above linkies.